What Does Santa Want?

(originally posted 12/6/09)

Have you ever wondered what Santa wants for Christmas?  I mean, the man just gives and gives.  It’s got to be exhausting.  In this altered version of a Christmas classic, Franky Vivid, imagines Santa receiving…

a Burlesque Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse

Our stockings were taut
And our bottoms were bare
In hopes that an audience
Soon would be there

The footlights were lit
And us girls were all preened
And poured into our outfits
Oh what a scene!

Spit-black on my eyes
Lips red with carmine
The feel of marabou feathers
Against my behind

But despite all our vanity
We frowned at the clock
Who’s hands seemed to crawl
And whose face seemed to mock

For the seats were all empty
And we took not the stage
And my girlfriends and I
Thought we’d die of old age

When all of the sudden
I heard such a clatter
So I peeked from the wings
To see what was the matter

When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear?
But a jolly old fat man
With a bag full of gear

His look was familiar
And it gave it me great pause
As he said, “Cold you spare
A quick show for me, Claus?”

He looked at me, smiled,
And then said with a cough,
“I’ve got a bag full of goodies
For you to take it all off!”

So I said, “What the Hell? –
Show me some love!”
He produced a gold bracelet
And I took off my gloves

His bag full of trinkets
Was big as a house
I said, “Whatcha got in there
To trade for my blouse?”

He pulled out a necklace
So shiny it hurt
I hung it on my neck
And slipped out of my shirt.

He said, “now there darling
I believe I’ve a ring.
It’s yours for the taking off
Of your stockings.”

With the ring on my finger
My silks hit the floor
But jolly St Nicholas
Seemed to want more

He rooted ’round in his bag
Then with a “Hurrah!”
He handed me earrings
And said, “How ’bout the bra?”

The earrings were ruby
And looked oh so tasty
So I acquiesced and
And flashed glittering pasties..

I cannot explain how
Despite the chill
I stirred on the inside
At this holiday thrill

As I sit wearing only
My riches I see
For this jolly old elf
I’d have done it for free.

So I’ve told you the story
And shown you the sight
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night.

If you are a member of the Naked Girls Book Club, you can hear this poem read by me.


~ by ngrblogadmin on January 11, 2010.

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