I Can Do it All By Myself

I’ve always struggled with the word ‘independent’.  I’m definitely an independent woman but in the back of my mind, I’ve wondered if that was a good thing.

It goes back to this day I was in church with my dad.  Maybe I was 7 or 8, don’t remember, but I was an impressionable kid.  It was after the service and I was by my dad’s side while we was talking to some of his friends.  At point in the conversation, my dad said to them, ‘Well, yeah, she’s really independent. Always has to do it her way.’  I was super confused.  The word independent was said in such a negative way, but the last part of it, ‘ always has to do it her way,’ sounded really positive to me.  I thought, ‘Yeah, I do like to do things my way and on my own. Is that supposed to be bad?’  When we walked away from the group of people I asked my dad what the word independent meant.  He sort of shrugged it off and I asked if it was bad to be independent.  He said ‘No.  That’s just how you are.’  Still didn’t make me feel better.  I believe I ran through that conversation many times in my head trying to figure it out.  What I’ve come up with is that it isn’t bad to be independent, but people don’t always know what to do with your independence.

I’ve always had a vision of  forging my own path.  I knew that I didn’t want to work for anyone but I wanted to run the show.  I suppose I have a bit of an authority problem.  What can ya do?  I like things the way I like them.  I had no idea when I was a kid that I would grow up to do this, but really, it makes perfect sense to me.  I am an independent woman that enjoys, and displays, her sexuality.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is a scary being.  Will the world ever be ready?

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~ by michellelamour on July 27, 2010.

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